


Scream While You Can

by AlexNow



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-01
Updated: 2013-07-01
Packaged: 2017-12-16 19:37:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/865809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexNow/pseuds/AlexNow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <span class="small">Dan snaps his eyes open and jots up on his bed. His eyes are wide and he’s breathing heavily, he notices. The room is a pitch black and the curtain is open along with the window itself, the wind making the light curtain waver. The only sound in the room are his breaths and soon he starts choking on his sobs. Dan tries to ignore the feeling of warm run down his cheeks and drips down to the soft bed cover under him. His nails dig into the silk and burrow into his palm.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="small">or</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="small">Where Dan has nightmares Phil gets angry about.</span>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scream While You Can

Dan snaps his eyes open and jots up on his bed. His eyes are wide and he’s breathing heavily, he notices. The room is a pitch black and the curtain is open along with the window itself, the wind making the light curtain waver. The only sound in the room are his breaths and soon he starts choking on his sobs. Dan tries to ignore the feeling of warm run down his cheeks and drips down to the soft bed cover under him. His nails dig into the silk and burrow into his palm.

“Are you alright?”

Dan flinches at the soft noise and slowly turns his head to find a familiar figure by the doorway. The lack of light makes it impossible to see Phil’s face properly but his smooth reassuring voice is unmistakable.

Dan laughs, a quick bitter noise that is interrupted by his voice cracking, and shakes his head. “Just another bad dream.” He snorts, as if making fun of himself. Of the absurdity of his childish nightmares.

Phil makes his way to the lamp on Dan’s bedside table and flicks his fingers in order to have a bit of light in the room. Dan averts his eyes from the expression on Phil’s face. Something mixed with concern and innocent confusion. When Dan faces down once more at the soft carpet under their toes Phil’s frown grows deeper and he sighs.

“Dan.” He says. In response Dan looks the opposite side of where Phil is now propped on his bed.

 _“Dan.”_ Phil repeats, his voice firm and demanding. Dan cringes at the uncommon tone Phil uses and tries to hold his tears back as images of his sleep flash before his eyes.

 _Just like it’s supposed to happen before I die._ He thinks bitterly. He turns to meet Phil’s wide blue eyes though, and juts his bottom lip out in a pout. Phil contemplates asking the same question he always asks, but knows he’ll get the same answer as always. It’s no use trying again. Dan never bids his part.

  
_Dan, can you tell me what your dream was about?_

_No._

  
And so Phil decides to just go ahead straight to the golden question. It’s not as if Dan should be surprised, it’s always the same routine.

“Why can’t you tell me?” He whispers, eyes furrowed in further confusion and slightly upset. Dan looks away and shrugs once, like always. This time, however, it isn’t escaping Phil’s notice.

Phil purses his lips and narrows his eyes on Dan, who tries his best to take no notice into it. Phil ignores the fact that it’s still three in the morning, because it’s never too early for him to lose his temper. He usually never does, but Dan is one of those rare people that can go under his skin so fucking _easily._

“What is it, Dan?” Phil starts, and Dan bites his bottom lip in worry as he stares out the window, “What is it you can’t tell me?”

At the silence Phil receives in reply on Dan’s part Phil clenches his jaw and stands up, puts a hand on Dan’s shoulder and pulls his hard enough for Dan’s frightened eyes to connect with his own.

“What could be so _bad_ that you refuse to tell me? So many _years_ living together and you being my best friend but you have a couple nightmares and you decide to  _forget_ the fact that you can tell me anything. I don'tunderstand.”

Dan pulls back and he glares at Phil as his eyes begin to water once more. He sniffs and wipes his nose on his hand, refusing to show fright at someone’s presence. Especially when Phil’s particularly acting like _this._

“You wouldn’t understand, even if I _tried_ to explain.” He spits out. Phil snorts and shakes his head, backs away and throws himself on the dark blue beanbag on the floor.

“Think so? Dan, you’ve been suffering from these stupid nightmares ever since we moved back to London. I always hear your sobs when you wake up and once I saw you in a fucking _corner_ clutching your fucking  _knees!_ ” Phil yells and tightens his hands into fists. He’s overly aware he just swore –something that usually never happens as he finds curse words unnecessary- but he couldn’t care less. Who knows? Maybe Phil has luck for once and wakes up to find out it was all a horrible messed up nightmare. That Dan has never bared nightmares--

That Phil has never seen Dan cry.

When Dan’s tears drop once more though, Phil knows the sight of Dan’s pained face is too real to be misguided. Dan furiously wipes at his tears and glowers back, and that’s more than enough to spark Phil’s hatred once more. Hate at what? Well, Phil wants to know what happened to the trust Dan _swore_ he gave him.

“You wouldn’t understand, Phil! You can’t, won’t and never will!” Dan’s shrieking now, words caught in his throat and just like that he’s sobbing again, somehow never taking his eyes off Phil, who notices the doubt in those brown eyes.

“What if you don’t ever try, Daniel? How the _fuck_ are you supposed to know my bloody reaction?! Why can’t you just--”

“I _know_ you, Phil! You can’t take it.” Dan struggles to say those last words and by the end of his last words he’s whispering, “I won’t make you take it.”

“Just fucking tell me and let me decide for myself!” Phil explodes, and he’s back on his feet because he can’t take any of these stupid lies anymore. Watching Dan silently cry in his arms and waking up the next morning to see Dan make coffee, greet him like nothing happened before gets tiring. And only sparks his concern. Now though? It’s utter bullshit.

Dan trembles and tries to curl into himself. His black t-shirt curls up and at the cold air he shivers, sniffs.

“I—I—”

“Just say it or I'll leave.” Phil whispers back. His eyes aren't even narrowed anymore, almost as if he were slowly getting more and more tired of trying, but he's still and towering over Dan’s form. Maybe he just threatened Dan, and he hates that he just _tried_ to hurt him even more but this is what happens when Phil grows desperate. Desperate to find the reason of Dan’s discomfort and try to make it better. There are other ways, he knows, but right now this seems to be the easiest.

Phil’s trembling as well, but in aggravation and frustration. This time, he doesn’t care Dan’s crying. And that _he’s_ the reason Dan is.

“It already is,” Dan murmurs, “It’s all coming true.”

Phil freezes, “What are your nightmares, Daniel?”

Dan finally looks up and his eyes are rimmed red, bottom lip quivering and marks of fallen tears on his face. He coughs once and swallows away a knot in his throat that keeps him from talking.

“Always about you. I always dream you leave me. You say some hurtful things first, though. I let you. Because I’d never hurt you back. Even if there comes a day where you deserve it. Then you leave. And--” By now Dan’s blinking back droplets, “I know you’re never coming back.”

Phil’s eyes widen he blinks, trying to register what Dan has just said. He starts mouthing incoherent words and can‘t seem to get any sound out, only a couple of empty breaths containing no meaning. He remembers making his last YouTube video, and joking around with Dan lying to his side playing with his pillows as he talked, not even bothering to look at the camera. Phil remembers reading the comments then, and as always laughing at the usernames his fans have. _Philisnotlame. Danandphilrule. Lionsoverpowereverything. Philbilly._ It’s quite amazing. And then there are the comments that always list in the bottom of the video.

_-Omg!!!! Did anyone notice the stare Dan gave Phil at 1:34?_

_-They are so hawt. <3_

_-Phil’s hand totally lingers at 4:13._

_-I ship Phan completely. Fuck you if you don’t._

_-Ohgod. could u 2 just make-out already? and on video pleez._

Then Phil stares down at Dan. His curly hair, brown watery eyes and remembers the way Dan’s whole face lights up when he smiles. At that moment he notices he’s in what everyone calls reality, not one of those cliché love stories everyone sees on television or in the movie theaters. Not a romantic comedy or something with a happy ending and rainbows decorating the blue sky into a colorful dream. And he just—

“I—I can’t.” Phil whispers, tries not to choke on his words. He slowly backs away and shakes his head softly, eyes full of sorrow and useless pity. He exits Dan's room, slamming the door behind him and running out of the hallway. He can't stand how he feels Dan's tearful eyes following him, even as it's impossible with so many walls between them.

Once Phil’s in the lounge he bangs his head against the wall, closes his eyes and wishes to wake up. Tries to pinch himself so hard his pale skin colors into red and makes an ugly rash, but it would all be worth it in the end, if he woke up panting in his bed. Instead, Phil grabs a hoodie and runs outside. It’s raining out the house and a simple hoodie isn’t going to protect him from the cold but he couldn’t care less. He walks down the lonely street towards the center of the city and doesn’t look back once. Dan’s old enough to take care of himself.

He tries to breathe properly and shakes his head, breathing labored and in no regular rhythm. As he begins to mumble _‘no'_  over and over again he accidentally runs into someone once he manages to walk all the way where there are still lights on of the stores. It’s instinct for him to say once and another time, “Sorry. Forgive me. It won‘t happen again,” but seeing a familiar face in his view he blinks in surprise and smiles, even though he barely sees her face under the distinct light of the lampposts.

“I see you couldn’t sleep either. C’mon, Phillip. You look rather tired,” She whispers carefully with a warm smile, “And it’s too dangerous to walk around alone at these hours, anyway.” She grabs his hand and pulls him toward the direction of her apartment where he could sleep in the guest room. Phil lets her, because he rather be anywhere but home.

  
**  
**

 

“Dan? Dan!” Phil yells, dropping his hoodie to the ground. His eyebrows furrow and he looks around. Once seeing no one in the living room and the kitchen he heads upstairs. The first room he enters is naturally Dan’s, sighs in relief when he sees Dan’s form on the bed.

Without a second thought Phil slips into the bed next to him and letting the younger boy's sheets envelope hi. Phil faces Dan’s peaceful face and Phil places a soft kiss on his forehead. He hesitates to say anything until a proper sentence forms in his mind.

“I’m sorry, Dan,” Phil whispers once he decides to start with an apology, “I really didn’t mean to. I’m just glad you seem to finally have a calm sleep for once.” Phil shifts so his hand is no longer stuck under his body and moves the back of his hand to caress Dan’s pale unblemished face. When he feels the cold skin he frowns and sighs as he realizes Dan’s left his window open. It’s a deathtrap to leave it open. It’s _sure_ that Dan’s going to catch a cold.

When he goes to turn on the lamp even though the sun is enough light to wake up Dan, Phil notices a small white container open and empty. He grumbles at the thought of Dan probably trying to hide his stack of American M&Ms again, grabs it and turns it around his fingers.

Then Phil’s eyes catch on one simple word imprinted in bold blue letters, flashing back to Phil in taunt. Phil collapses to the ground and places his palms on the floor, squeezes his eyes shut while facing the carpet and trying to get rid of his nausea. He tries to breath but each time it gets harder and harder, that still single word in his mind, the one printed on the plastic cylinder.

 

 

  
_Klonopin._

**Author's Note:**

>  **Just wanted to clear out that Klonopin are sleeping pills.**  
>  My first Phanfic, so that's why it sucks. Just read it and then tell me what you think. For all those Dan and Phil lovers.


End file.
